okay since yall seem to be incapable of identifying fake sj posts here’s a handy guide:
- go to the source of the post
- check the tags
- if it’s tagged with two thousand variations of “otherkin” and “headspace” and “sj” then it is 100% fake no exceptions and if you reblog it unironically you are a bad person
all of you who are too fucking gullible to detect obvious trollery can refer to this bingo card
how many of us, as children, have had creeping thoughts of “i think i have a crush on somebody of my own gender” or “i wish i were another gender” and dismissed them so swiftly and so effectively because those ideas were unnatural and unconscionable that they never had the chance to grow into our identities? how many more of us, when finally told from childhood that queerness is a real and good option, will be queer and will love it?
Jerry is in love again, so blissfully ecstatic that he and his new lover, Ana, march down the street hand in hand. They bring with them messages of love, and everywhere they go, love grows. Her dress twists slowly in the wind; the two are the epitome of happiness.
George attempts to return a bag of groceries accidentally taken off the shelf after the expiration date, and realizes that the clerk he’s speaking to is actually Jerry’s girlfriend. She patiently tries to explain to George that she cannot offer a refund, causing George to make quite a scene before he storms out.
He later explains the encounter to Jerry, shaking his tiny fist and swearing he wasn’t wrong, hoping Jerry can use his relationship to get George’s money back. However, Jerry didn’t realize that Ana worked at the grocery. “You’re telling me that my girlfriend earns… minimum wage?”
Elaine finds herself in a bizarre love triangle, where she must choose between “Mr. Horrible” and “The Ugliness Man.” She explains the situation to Jerry, who sympathizes a bit before whining that he wants to break things off with Ana without appearing classist. ”No, that’s not classist,” Elaine says. “That’s classless.”
Kramer attempts to poison Newman’s mind with wrong ideas that appeal to him, terrible screeds about various immigrant populations in the city. Newman will have none of it, though: “I can’t stand here listening to you, my racist friend.” “I’m not just your racist friend,” Kramer replies, “I’m your only friend.” Newman spits at Kramer’s feet and walks away.
Peterman becomes enamored with his new “pet rock,” going so far as to bring it to board meetings and business lunches. (He is unaware that it is actually a toy of one of the California Raisins.)
Newman, still reeling with disgust, gets his payback by leaving a dead sparrow in Kramer’s letterbox. When Kramer discovers this, he mutters to himself, “Done someone wrong, and I fear that it was me.”
Hoping for a more sympathetic ear than Jerry’s, George recounts his woes to his parents. Frank is utterly disgusted, though, and smashes his hearing aid beneath his boot heel so he doesn’t have to listen to George any longer. He screams endlessly, calling George “King Lazybones!”
A terrible smell and sound emanates from Kramer’s apartment, and a crowd gathers outside the door, trying to figure out exactly what’s going on. “He might be frying up a stalk of wheat,” suggests someone helpfully. Jerry is able to break the lock and discovers quite a scene: the bathtub running over, the stereo on at full volume, and bacon sizzling on the stove. Kramer, however, is nowhere to be found to explain why.
Jerry goes to the grocery store right in the middle of Ana’s shift and breaks up with her, right in front of her manager. “Well, Jerry,” she says through gritted teeth, “You’re the nicest of the damned.”
A week later, Jerry and George walk past the grocery where Ana works, both of them visibly depressed, a mess, and feeling totally worthless. “I tell ya,” says George, “That’s nobody’s storefront but the jerk’s!”
Bania goes shopping at a record store and plucks out one album in a green sleeve, immensely satisfied: “Now this one, this is the best!”
aries - fucking weeb
taurus - otaku trash
gemini - sleeps w/ at least 2 waifu pillows
cancer - wants to be a mangaka
leo - entry level anime filth
virgo - likes sword art online
libra - owns all of evangelion on dvd
scorpio - subscribed to shonen jump
sagittarius - pocky eater
capricorn - wears neko ears to family events
aquarius - naruto runner
pisces - wapanese
Gail Simone’s short story for the Time Warp #1 anthology. I’m not a huge fan of Simone’s ongoing work but I have to say, her short stories are wonderful. Thank you for this one.
Art by Gael Bertrand, published by Vertigo.
I was very proud of this story, with amazing art by Gael Bertrand. My first Vertigo piece!
That was beautiful.
holy heckaroonie this is amazing
wow this is really great!